Story of my life:p
We are going to lose people in our lives, because I realize that no matter how much time you spent with them, or how much you appreciated them and told them so, it will never seem like it was enough.
I never thought I’d get a tumblr…
I was never going to get a tumblr until I saw what people do on it. They upload things they enjoy, they vent, etc etc. I need to vent, so why not? So here it goes:
I haven’t always been this way - so unhappy. I don’t even remember when it started? I was a happy kid. I smiled and laughed…I had a lot of fun. But..I guess as you get older, as you mature, you see things. When you’re younger, everything seems ok, so blissful. I guess your innocence shields you away from the bad things that surround you. But as that innocence leaves you, you begin to realize all the bad things. Ever since I can remember, I’ve had issues within the family. Along with the issues that are in my family, I have so many problems with myself. I just never feel good enough. Smart enough. Talented enough. I don’t like myself. I hate how I look. I don’t have nice clothes…I’m just not attractive. I don’t like my body. I just long to be good enough. I just seem to be mediocre at everything I do. I’m never happy.
For some reason, I keep losing my good friends. I keep thinking they’ve changed with all the alcohol, smoking, and drugs. But maybe they don’t want to be friends with me anymore because of how hopelessy broken I am. Maybe they don’t want to be around someone like me. My best friends. I guess I can’t call them that anymore?
I know a lot of kids go through the same things…but I guess I can’t handle it as well as they can? I put on this….cover. I’ve built this wall so that people are unaware of how I’m feeling. I joke around and laugh. No one knows. I know I need to get this all out…so here I am.
I’m not doing this to seek attention….I just want to let it all out.
